PRETTY SECRET

Hi everyone, Merry Christmas!!!  I hope you all have a happy and merry Christmas.  Mine??  As usual, miserable.  My body present but my soul is empty.  Last night on Christmas eve, I watched movie till 4am. So that I can distracting my mind and not crying all Night on Christmas Eve.  But Christmas coming in the morning.  I cant runaway from it.  Put on my clothes.  Put on make up.  Put smile on my lips.  But my heart is sad.  I just holding my self together so I'm not crying.  Nobody need to know how miserable I am.  So, here it is.  Photo of me, wearing smile in my lips.  But with I crying inside.  Once again.  Merry Christmas. 

Hello everyone,  I'm sorry, I still cant write about make up or anything else.  I'm still feeling unwell mentally.  Everyday no matter what I do, it is all just to distract me from my sadness.  Like all I do daily now just to keep my mind occupied so I can be more normal.  But inside, I'm still very sad.  I still cry and sobs every night before I sleep.  I still woke up in the middle of my sleep and cried.  Don't ask me, why am I unhappy.  I wish I can be happy again.  I miss the happy me too.  But I really feel miserable.  No matter how much I tried to explain it.  I don't think I can make people understand how miserable I am.  December almost end.  Next year I will be 34 y.o. I'm very anxious.  Now I'm on my middle 30's. But things that I really want seems still so far away.  Cant even see it happen anytime soon.  When I really wish it will be happen soon.  I know crying wont help.  I know being sad wont help.  But I cant help my self for not being sad