Moving On

I'm still not 100% ok. 

Everyday, there is something new that I find. 

The more I find it, the more I feel my heart is bleeding. 

But lips tight. 

I'm not saying anything anymore. 

I promise to just moving on. 

I forgive. 

But to forget is very hard. 

I wish I just can close my eyes and forget things.

But then I find, even in my dream it is haunted me. 

Like I can't really run from it. 

I'm hiding it from everyone around me. 

No one really know if I'm in pieces. 

I pretend like I'm ok. 

But every night, I still cry. 

Sometimes I feel angry. 

Whenever I see that person start post sad things. 

I feel really angry. 

But then I realize, I can't control people feeling. 

And I also realize, it is indeed painful for that person too. 

It is just, you don't know how painful it is for me. 

Like I said before... 

It is running deep in me already. 

I walk on this far away. 

Far away more than what you imagine. 

Like if you are me, I don't even think if you can handle my pain. 

I feel like I fall from the sky and land into a hard concrete. 

If only you know the full story. 

Maybe you will feel better. 

But you don't. 

So all you can see is your own pain. 

And me. 

I am enduring here. 

Trying to find a way to comfort my heart. 

Trying to heal. 

I wish, I can just cry out loud like you. 

Said that it is unfair. 

But I can't.

I just cry silently, in the quiet night on my room. 

Being careful so nobody know that I cried. 

And nobody know if I am in pieces. 

I can't talk about it out loud. 

All I can do just praying. 

I only can talk about it with God. 

Because really only God that can listen on me and ease my pain. 

I'm betting to much. 

I put everything in the table already. 

So I can't runaway. 

Not that I want to runaway too. 

I'm working on my self. 

I'm working on my heart. 

I'm working on this problem. 

No, not only me. 

But we working on it. 

Which is I know, it is hard for you to understand us. 

I pray everyday for all of us. 

I know it is not easy for you too. 

But just so you know here. 

If you are broken... 

Then I am beyond it. 

I wish I can just delete and erase everything. 

And back into normal me. 

But then, it is out of my control. 

I can't do that. 

I wish I can turn back the time and stop everything to be like this. 

But I can't do that either. 

Because I am human. 

I am not a wonder Woman. 

All I want to do now. 

Let's just back to our life before everything happen. 

Livin our life like before.

It is very bitter. 

I know it. 

But I really want to moving on. 

Because it is really tiring for me.