PRETTY SECRET

Today writing here while having fever.  I'm just feeling super tired.  Not slept well. Not eat well.  I just want to rest now.  After awhile, finally can get a decent nap.  Maybe this fever coming to me from God as a way to make me resting.  So now, I will nap again.  Been napped for 3 hours today.  Such a record.  Because since last week I am basically can't slept, can't eat.  Too much stress.  And also because crying a lot la, so that's why double tired.  Let me resting today.  Freeing my mind from anything.  And just focus on my health. 

I'm still not 100% ok.  Everyday, there is something new that I find.  The more I find it, the more I feel my heart is bleeding.  But lips tight.  I'm not saying anything anymore.  I promise to just moving on.  I forgive.  But to forget is very hard.  I wish I just can close my eyes and forget things. But then I find, even in my dream it is haunted me.  Like I can't really run from it.  I'm hiding it from everyone around me.  No one really know if I'm in pieces.  I pretend like I'm ok.  But every night, I still cry.  Sometimes I feel angry.  Whenever I see that person start post sad things.  I feel really angry.  But then I realize, I can't control people feeling.  And I also realize, it is indeed painful for that person too.  It is just, you don't know how painful it is for me.  Like I said before...  It is running deep in me already.  I walk on this far away.  Far away more than what you imagine.  Like if you are me, I don't even think if you can h

I just want to write here. Just so you know, though you think it is easier for me. But in reality, I have hard time too. You wont know how many sleepless night that I've been through.  Or how many days, I woke up in tears and my heart racing.  Even until now.  I still not back normal yet.  I still sleep so little.  I still eat so little.  Basically, I do basic stuff just to survive.  You don't know the full story.  Why is this like this. Why choose this decision.  And maybe, you will never know the full story.  While for you it is a heart break.  For me, it is beyond just a heart break.  Because it is run deeply and far already.  More deeper than what you expect.  The disappointment that I feel, undescribeable.  Me too, here still trying to heal my heart.  Dressing my wound.  And learning to forgiving.  Which is so damn hard.  Everyday feels like a roller coaster for me.  There's a day where I can feel calm.  But in most day I am just calming down my self.  It is hard. Very

Tonight,  Again can't fall asleep.  It's been like this for a few days.  Even if I can get a sleep, still I will woke up in the middle of the night.  Heart beating fast.  And eventually tears will come down.  I sleep only because I'm too exhausted.  Once I get a lil bit sleep, my brain will decide to woke me up.  It is like my mind cant be rest.  Back then when this kind of things happen, then I will scream.  I will yell.  I will swore.  I will let all my emotion go out.  But now, maybe because it is more painful.  I can't even scream.  I can't yell.  Like I am suppressing all inside.  All I can do just crying.  I cried a lot.  Everytime at night I cried.  When I try to talk of stuff, I cried.  Like I just silently cried in my room.  And trying to comfort my self.  I am tired.  Very tired.  I can't sleep.  I have no appetite, I'm not eat well.  I eat for the sake of to pretend to everyone that nothing happened.  But if I want to be honest,  I'm not even

  Hi everyone.  I think nowadays, I rarely put my picture on my blog.  Actually, I barely take any picture unless I'm shoot video.  To be honest, I'm getting through something really hard now.  But I can't put the details on what actually happened.  I can't really describe my feeling.  I definitely sad and disappointed. A lot.  Don't ask how often I cried.  I cried almost all the time.  Whenever it is popping up on my head.  It is not that I deliberately trying too keep torturing myself.  But it is just pop up all the time.  Especially when my surrounding is quiet.  I questioning a lot of things.  I try to find, where I got wrong.  But in the end the answer still the same, I didn't do anything wrong.  Then I start questioning my self.  Is it because I'm getting old now?  Or maybe because I'm no longer attractive now?  Sometimes I feel like I'm so pathetic.  Night time is very hard.  I can't fall asleep.  And even if I fall asleep, I will suddenly

Hallo semuanya, Minggu ini posting 2x nih, sampai minggu depan masih bisa akan posting 2x. Setelah itu mungkin aku hanya akan posting 1x seminggu setiap hari jumat ya. Ok, so hari ini aku mau review skintint dari barenbliss. Kalau kalian belum tahu, barenbliss ini brand korea ya. Dan terus terang aku tertarik buat beli barenbliss skintint ini bukan karena dia viral atau apa. Tapi lebih ke karena kebanyakan nonton video youtuber luar yang pake skintint nya rare beauty punya selena gomez. Hasilnya kelihatan bagus banget, ga terlalu matte tapi juga ga terlalu basah/becek. Cuma kalo beli rare beauty kan mahal nih. Oleh karena itu aku searching buat skintint yang harganya lebih terjangkau dan ketemulah sama skintint barenbliss ini. Buat yang penasaran sama ingredientnya, bisa dilihat di foto di atas ya. Nah, kalau kalian penasaran sama tekstur, swatchnya bisa di tonton di video youtube aku ini ya. Overall, Aku suka banget sama skintint ini. Shade nya pas banget di kulitku, ga terlalu gelap

Hello everyone, Finally... Aku balik nulis lagi disini. Hari ini aku mau share koleksi tasku. Memang ga ada yang branded atau designer brand sih. Tas-tas yang aku share ini walaupun harganya terjangkau tapi kualitasnya bagus lho. Selain itu mereka juga produk lokal. Aku saat ini berusaha untuk lebih banyak support produk lokal. Entah itu make up, skincare, tas, baju, sebisa mungkin aku beli produk lokal. Memang aku ga bisa beli banyak sih karena duitnya terbatas, hehehe.... Tapi sebisa mungkin aku beli dan share, jadi ada awareness untuk brand-brand lokal ini. Kalau kalian mau lihat full koleksi apa aja yang aku punya, bisa tonton di youtoubeku ya. Kalau bisa sih support youtubeku juga, tapi kalau ga juga gpp sih..hehehe. Aku ada bucket bag, mini tote bag, flap bag dan handphone bag. Buat yang lagi cari-cari tas bisa ditonton, siapa tahu jadi ada ide buat beli. Ok deh, kayaknya sementara ini dulu. Nanti aku bakalan berusaha untuk posting blog lebih rutin ya. Thank you all.