Little by Little

It is almost a month since everything. 

Little by little I'm trying to moving forward. 

It would be a lie if I said I'm fine and back to normal now. 

Everyday.... 

Yes, everyday I still woke up with heart beating fast. 

I can't sleep past 5 am. 

When, everyone who know me totally know if I love sleep. 

I making a lot of progress. 

At least now I can fall asleep at night without overthink about everything. 

And I can eat 2 times a day in normal portion. 

Can't eat 3 times yet, but such a progress right? 

I miss me. 

I miss my normal self. 

I miss me who not overthink about everything and be chill. 

What happened is giving me wound. 

My heart is wounded. 

And I need time. 

I need time to heal. 

I need time to be normal again. 

Everyday I pray and pray and pray to be stronger. 

And I believe, Jesus will give me strength to get through it. 

What make it hard to moving on is when I still seeing stuff. 

That stuff sometimes make me angry. 

I mean, can you just shut up. 

Your feeling, your memories it is valid. 

But just keep it in your mind, in your heart. 

Again.... 

You don't know the full story. 

And at the moment, I can't tell you the full story either. 

Not the time yet. 

And I don't have a heart to let you know the full story. 

Because, it is not what you are thinking about. 

Even for me, I tried few times to access the full story from your side. 

But still there is a hole here and there. 

I just know the overall situation. 

You... 

You didn't know anything. 

Which I know it is kind of frustrating. 

You questioning lots of things and can't get the answer. 

Trust me, 

The answer is far away from your imagination. 

You will be shock when you know the answer. 

Again, 

I don't know you and you don't know me. 

So your assumptions is not true. 

Reality is even more bitter. 

Bitter for you and even more bitter for me. 

So stop. 

Just stop.