Stronger Heart

I‘m still not 100% ok.

Everyday, I still woke up with my heart beating so fast.

But I am getting better.

At least now I‘m sleep better, eating better and not crying every night anymore.

To be honest, trying to moving on from this, is very hard.

Every day I still have so many up and down.

There‘s a day that I will crying after seeing stuff.

And there‘s a day that I feel strong even if I seeing stuff.

But now everything seems calmer.

I hope this situation will remain calm like this.

I wish, I really wish I can be openly talk what happened.

But I cant.

I wish I can tell people how hurt I am.

How painful it is.

How everyday I still have the nightmare.

And I cant said anything to nobody.

I am trying to deal with it.

I‘m lucky that I have this blog so I can at least write here.

Because this is the only place where I can be more honest with my feeling.

All other social media that I own, too many eyes.

I have my friends and families there.

And I cant really said anything about this.

So if you think you are hurt.

It is ok, your feeling is valid and your memories are valid too.

I cant erase all of that, no matter how I wish it was never happen.

But you...

Do you ever think how I feel?

No.

If you were me, I dont think you can survive this.

With all the trick and traps you tried to put on for your own selfishness.

Do you ever think about it?

I am not who you think of.

You dont know me, I dont know you.

You not even dare to find out, who I am.

Because you just dont want to hear the reality, where is your position on all of this.

You scared? Or you just ignorant?

Everyone in fault for this.

I‘m not denied if I have my share on it too.

Which not entirely my fault, because I have my limitation too.

What I want just one.

Lets everyone move on.

Keep your memories on your heart.

And stop thinking that it is all happened because of me.

No.

I would never do anything to hurt anyone.

I was here and I always here.

Just that you never know my existence.

But I am already here way far away before you.

That's why it is what it is.

And you will never understand it.

How much I endure things.

How many times we fall down.

It never be only sugar and sweets.

So many bitterness and sadness too.

And we still not giving up.

Again, your feeling is valid.

Your memories is valid too.

But just dont potray me as someone who I am not.

You doesnt even know who I am, how I looks like.

So just lets living life.